★★★★★

*5 solid stars!*

“I’m dangerous. You shouldn’t underestimate people, I want to call out. I have a knife.”

SADIE has lost herself and she doesn’t want to be found. Not by the few remaining people in her life, not even by life itself. She lets the reader know right away that she is being fueled only by revenge, and there is no question that Sadie is surviving for the sole purpose of killing the man she believes murdered her little sister.

“I’m going to kill a man. I’m going to steal the light from his eyes. I want to watch it go out.” 

This was a heinous crime whose victim has obtained no justice; a case gone cold, until Sadie herself goes missing and the host of a serialized podcast is persuaded to revive it.

The podcast portions are handled extremely well and are delivered in chapters that alternate with the saturated darkness of Sadie’s first-person narrative. We get right in her head, and it is wholly intense at the very least.

I would say that Sadie’s falling apart, but that would imply she’d once had it all together, and she has never. Not with an absentee father, and an addict of a mother. Not when she’d been forced to raise her younger sister as though she wasn’t also just a child herself.

Sadie has stripped away the outer layers of herself until all that remains is this primal, animalistic being whose desire to kill this man has become the only thing in life that matters. I could sense her wasting away, eating only because she has to and because not eating would steal the strength she needs to carry out her plan.

You will feel Sadie’s desperation as it all but suffocates her. You will witness her becoming a machine—one who feels only pain, if she feels anything at all. Her eyes are focused, and she’s seeing red as she paves her own way through the road splayed out in front of her—god help anyone who tries to stand in her way.

Courtney Summer’s writing continually impresses me, and frankly just keeps getting better. I’ve come to love the sharpened edges of her young adult stories, but this one in particular seems to break through the confines of YA altogether, targeting a much wider audience than teens.

This plot is driven; a reckless drive, and it’s Sadie behind the wheel, the reader sitting shotgun alongside her. It’s brave and it’s raw and it feels so close to real that you may just have to remind yourself to come up for air at times.

Sadie’s character, with all of her pain, is sharp and witty, and even funny at times. She speaks with a stutter, which only endeared me to her even more, and she’s easy to love even though she’s not intentionally casting out lovable vibes.

Every element in the story came to life—all of it—and it wasn’t pretty to look at, but it was powerful and it was important. A mother’s addiction. A sister’s reliance. A child abused. A daughter, so in need of her mother’s love that the lack of it has hollowed out her insides, leaving a hole that can only be filled with pain and uncertainty.

“Sometimes I don’t know what I miss more; everything I’ve lost or everything I never had.” 

This book is more than a story—it is a voice, and it begs to be heard.

 Book Stats: 
▪  Genre/Category: Contemporary/Young Adult/Mystery
▪  Characters: Sadie’s character is sole focus of story. She’s painfully broken and highly driven in her pursuit.
▪  Plot: Sadie sets out to kill the man she believes murdered her sister.
▪ Writing: Edgy, witty, brilliant! This author is a favorite of mine!
▪ POV: 1st Person Perspective: Alternates between Sadie’s POV and Podcast transcripts
▪  Cliffhanger: None. Standalone

*Thanks to St. Martin’s Press for providing an advanced digital copy via Netgalley!*